at dinner last night, a coworker was talking about hanging out with his white friends and getting fed up with the racist jokes, and asked them to tell a white people joke. nobody had any, so he googled and found these. after a few of them, people were a lot less comfortable.
white folks, next time you hear a racist joke, maybe lead with one of these in response. tag this “I’m white” when you reblog it, if you are.
Why do white people own so many pets?
Because we’re not allowed to own people anymore.
What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison?
You know he did it.
how many Chicago cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.”
A good looking 50 year old white man is trying to get laid on reality TV. What show are you watching?
To catch a predator.
Why do white girls travel in groups of three or five?
They can’t even
What do you call 64 white people in a room? A full blooded Cherokee.
shoutout to girlcode for being fabulous
Be prepared to participate in no dick decemberbe prepared to be told that no one wants your misogynistic dick anyway you arrogant shit
I love it when guys use sex as a bartering tool like IF YOU DON’T LOOK PERFECT AND SPARKLY ALL THE TIME I’M NOT GOING TO PLEASE MYSELF WITH YOU
like BITCH THEY LITERALLY SELL DICKS BIGGER THAN YOURS I DON’T NEED SHIT FROM YOU
Land caviar is made of eggs laid by the Georgian Land Salmon. A delicacy in most of Europe, the meal is banned in the United States due to the high levels of mercury it contains.
The Georgian Land Salmon itself is a rare fish that can live up to three days out of water, walking on its fins and distilling small amounts of oxygen from the air with its highly efficient gills. The Land Salmon is almost five feet long, by far the largest land fish known to science.
In Europe the fish is called the “Tués Sur La Route,” which translates roughly as “Roadkill” as the fish is slow and often dies attempting to cross the many highways that cover Europe’s coastline. About 50 humans die each year in Land Salmon related car crashes. Ironically, chef Multama al-Samak who pioneered modern land caviar cuisine died in such an accident when a Land Salmon wandered in front of his motorcycle while he rode to his restaurant.
Like seriously, why isn’t pole dancing an olympic sport? This is freakin gymnastics. This is strength and skill. This is not sexual whatsoever. Why does pole dancing have to be so stigmatised as a sexual thing that only strippers do? I have great respect for all people who can pull this off. This is art and beauty right here.
HEY FUN FACT: pole dancing is known as something strippers do because strippers invented it. And that’s okay! It’s okay to have respect for strippers and the hard work they put into what they do! Let’s stop trying to take the stripper part out of pole dancing so upperclass white girls can do it without being ~stigmatized~ because god forbid women be sexual.
leggings as pants are fine as long as i can’t see your vagina outline like i’m not signing up for that shit
because it’s all a big secret right
NO I JUST REALLY DON’T WANNA SEE OTHER GIRLS’ VAGINAS OK MY GOD THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL ISSUE I JUST DON’T LIKE LOOKING AT STRANGERS’ GENITALS
A Harry Potter AU where everything’s exactly the same, except the house elves look like Lord of the Rings elves and Dobby’s, like, played by Orlando Bloom. But they’re still not allowed to have clothes
orlando bloom hitting himself in the face with a lamp